Thursday, December 11, 2008

Marriage (măr'ĭj): The Legal Union Of A Man And As Many Women As He Can Afford.



Yep, more on same-sex marriage, or gay marriage, or gayrriage. We all know by now that the fundies think the institution of marriage is sacred and has been defined as one man and one woman for thousands of years (at least Mike Huckabee thinks this). I call Bullshit. Lisa Miller does too, in a Newsweek cover story. She quite accurately points out that polygamy (technically polygyny I think) was rather common in the bible.

Shall we look to Abraham, the great patriarch, who slept with his servant when he discovered his beloved wife Sarah was infertile? Or to Jacob, who fathered children with four different women (two sisters and their servants)? Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon and the kings of Judah and Israel—all these fathers and heroes were polygamists.
Also noted are some of the more ridiculous rules layed out in the bible. Some of my favorites (not necessarily mentioned in Lisa's story): stoning one's non-virgin wife, proper blood sacrifice rituals, and the fact that rabbit meat and shellfish are abominations and should not be eaten. Curiously, though man on man lovin' is expressly forbidden, nothing much is really mentioned about women. Apparently god digs that too. Daily Kos picked up on an especially entertaining comment defining marriage using biblical standards found below the fold.

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36).


Now, how about we get over this "traditional definition of marriage" bullshit. Remember, there was a time not so long ago that the definition of marriage included a man and his servile wife of the same race (color). Does that seem appropriate? Our children will look back at these discussions and be embarassed in the same way that we are embarassed about the rampant racism of our recent history (not that we've conquered that yet either).

1 comment:

Dann Siems said...

Excellent athesitic rant!